How do you contribute to Relationship Bliss?
Are you showing up consciously connected or unconsciously detached?
I’m a bit of a comedian and really love to keep life upbeat and enjoyable with positive energy. Having said that, today I’m kicking of on a very serious note. Please keep an open mind and be willing to try and stretch your understanding and concepts beyond what you may be used to.
As an avid observer of people and behaviour, I notice subtleties that, in the buzz of daily life, are easily and often downplayed. This downplaying of certain subtleties in our daily routines, has an eventual reality check point. This downplaying of certain subtleties can act like a deadly gas, not visible to the eye, that slowly creeps into an environment unknowingly until, something or someone passes out. I am campaigning against the silent gas that breezes on in and poisons an otherwise very good relationships. To ward against it, you need to wake up a part of your consciousness, become consciously connected and make it a daily practice to maintain conscious connection. This keeps the creeping poisonous gas out of your relationship. So, how do you do this?
Living in the same house, sharing the same bed, going on the same holidays, parenting the same children, making the same mortgage payments, does not constitute being ‘consciously connecting’. If your bond, your connection, your friendship, your love, isn’t your priority, consciously, then, the noisy, distracting, business of life can VERY EASILY seduce you into making everything else a priority. BECAUSE, hey, your partner is always there right. You’re just always there. You know that every day you’re both just always there right? Wrong!
When you embark upon promising to love and honour each other until death do you part, don’t just say the words, understand the subtleties of that. Understand you made a public and legal commitment to yourself and your partner to be there for them through thick and thin. Don’t just have a wedding and then go and get yourself all distracted with the cliches in life that cause wedges to form between your connection and then claim, “we just grew apart”. Understand before you make such a monumental commitment, that if you do not have daily disciplines that nurture your conscious connection, then, the ‘business of life’ will fully support the slow ‘drifting apart’ cliche.
Make an effort to put life to the side every day so that you can plug back into your reason for getting married to that specific person. Your career and your job and any other projects and distractions you have are NO EXCUSE for not consciously connecting with your partner every day. Watch yourself with your work, watch how it can easily seduce you into spending all of your energy on it and having almost none left for the real priorities in your life. You can see why it is important to be consciously aware of what your real priorities actually are. Hence the importance of a vision statement and on purpose goals.
I’m guessing you are smart. Smart enough to look ahead and understand, if you do not put fuel in the tank, the vehicle eventually runs out. Smart enough to feel the clutches of your career having it’s way with your time and energy or your hobbies or your study, clawing you away from your deepest responsibilities and your highest priorities. Silently and subtly like a gas floating in. Use your smarts and be strong enough to let go of making work and other distractions, matter more than your spouse and the needs of your connection, on a daily basis.
Make an effort to be loveable and to show love, as opposed to just being under the same roof. Don’t ‘let yourself go’ because, well, you’re married now. You’re married now, you were the best version of yourself for your partner when you were courting and it is only fair to continue that effort when you are married. Just because you slipped a ring on does not mean either of you stop desiring what it was you fell in love with each other for in the first place. Continue to court.
The silent cancer of what would otherwise be a perfectly good marriage, is the assumption, you don’t need to make any effort. That, you just live together, and journey through the life struggle together.
BIG MISTAKE
People and life are both complex and life is a bizarre and interesting journey. However, I am trying to point out the cliche relationship cancers so you contract them. The ones that are a silly waste of good love and good marriage. The ‘going through the motions’ daily clocking in and clocking out that just sees your marriage growing old but not staying connected at a heart level.
Find a way to connect to each other at a heart level, daily. Stop the constant lack of spending time together deeply connecting, on account of work or other distractions, THEY ARE NOT worth the sad, painful, unnecessary loss of your true love.
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