Toxic friends don’t necessarily need to be dropped
Here are 5 things to consider when dealing with a difficult relationship
Intention: View people as their intention as opposed to getting stuck on their actions. Which may seem strange at first glance. However, actions can actually be a bit deceiving based on your assumptions and filters. I guess an example of this is PMT. If we were judged on those couple of bad days, we’d have nobody left in our lives, they’d have all dropped us. Beyond chemical, stress and hormone factors, sometimes we can misunderstand, misinterpret, misjudge a persons intentions. Sometimes when someone’s behaviour is toxic or not really acceptable, something a little deeper is at play for them that perhaps they are unable to communicate properly.
Family systems: understand that your family upbringing and communication and coping modelling is probably way different to anyone else’s in the same room as you. We are not all created equal. Some people need assistance to understand how to respond and behave in a more loving, sociably acceptable and value adding way. Growing up we learn how to react and respond and how to love or reject based on our own parents or care givers modelling. Some of our upbringings were less kind to us than others. We are all also influenced a little differently as to how to attach to others in relationships. Our attachment styles will influence the stability or the instability of our trust and our bonds and also our capacity to be open and loving or not. We are not all created equal in this space. Long story short it is easy to pass judgment but it’s not always accurate.
Coping Skills: people behave differently based on their ability to cope or not cope. This is a biggie. Coping skills are our internal recourses. These coping skills can be learned and built upon with the right influences around us. They can be sabotaged by poor role modelling, incorrect diet choices and poor sleep patterns as the body is a biological entity that responds to thoughts, food and exercise according to the healthiness of those things.
Filters: our own filters can flavour and or twist the facts. Our filters are our own unique way of how we perceive the world. Our filters are not always right either. Our filters are developed as we develop and may have been influenced by experiences as babies, or as children where we were too young to consider life through a broader perspective. Therefore we can take on some screwy interpretations of people and situations. Consider what is being judged through your own filter and then consider if there is a different filter that may offer a different perspective.
Boundaries: our own filters can flavour and or twist the facts. Our filters are our own unique way of how we perceive the world. Our filters are not always right either. Our filters are developed as we develop and may have been influenced by experiences as babies, or as children where we were too young to consider life through a broader perspective. Therefore we can take on some screwy interpretations of people and situations. Consider what is being judged through your own filter and then consider if there is a different filter that may offer a different perspective.
Whilst we may feel torn or conflicted by abandoning another person, like a friend or a family member, at the end of the day, we are all on our own karmic journey and some of us make decisions that can’t be rescued or fixed by anyone but ourselves. We can’t always rescue or fix other people so, sometimes we just have to protect our own hearts and wish others well and send them love from a distance.
