Resolving Conflict

Resolving Conflict
It would be an ideal world if we could see conflict as, a need to try and understand one another better than our current level of understanding.  As opposed to, assuming you need to make the other person completely wrong.
“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” — William James

To add to that, the question to ask yourself to check in with your own attitude is, how rigid or justified and negative do I feel?  That is an indication of where your attitude is at.

In the workplace or in any relationship, conflict can be an opportunity to learn and stretch and grow as long as there is an open attitude of first seeking to understand before seeking to be understood.

Note:  Just because you do give people the space to communicate their perspective does not mean you are agreeing with them, it means you are stopping and listening long enough to completely understand where they are coming from.

In some instances people can experience a rise in emotions and in some cases, some folk are less adept at regulating emotions when their emotions start to fire up. This means the emotional response can over power the initial intent or the ability to ground, listen, empathise and consider other perspectives and other peoples thinking.  

A few tips:

Not all people are created the same.  Largely our ability to process and handle conflict comes from our family system.  It’s faulty to assume the way you think and feel and see things is the same way other people do.  Our upbringings are at play.

Often, there can be more that one right answer, so it pays to learn patients and humility with our differences.

Don’t freak out if there is a conflict because your freaking out can feed the heightened emotional charge of the conflict.  Keeping a calm energy helps to keep the situation infected with your calm energy.

If you need to, either take time out yourself or advise who ever is emotionally worked up to take a time out in order to allow the adrenaline to subside.  The heightened adrenalin can interfere with thinking and people can become reactive as opposed to considered.  This type of behaviour can cause damage that may not be repairable.

Attempt to set the precedence whilst there seems to be an impasse that it may take a dedication uncovering everybody’s values and drivers and intentions to come to a full understanding of what exactly is causing the conflict.

What are you making that mean compared with what I intended it to mean?

Confirm that everyone is hearing exactly what is being said as opposed to interpreting information incorrectly and making a mountain out of a molehill. 

Sometimes, you may need to call in a third party to help interpret and manage the energy and emotions and the structure of the conversation in order to keep it focused, on purpose and resolved.

Teaming with you for your greatest success and happiness.

Roslyn Loxton Mindset and Peak Performance Coaching.