Reducing Anxiety

Reducing Anxiety

The tool of perspective for reducing anxiety. This is a coping tool by reducing anxiety and stress. It is a tool that will also, when used over and over again, help to reprogram your brain’s propensity for hope and optimism and reduce the brains propensity for overwhelm, stress and anxiety.  Because the brain is a habit machine, we need to teach it better serving habits. The Clarity of distance This is like a rescue remedy when you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed. For many of us, it is possible that our neural pathways and therefore our cellular memory has formed the habit of stress, anxiety, overthinking and overwhelm as its ‘norm’. It feels like a familiar vibrational energy to hold in the body.  To the degree where, it may seem foreign to imagine life void of this vibrational energy.  What might it be like not to feel the stress or the overwhelm or the anxiety or the overthinking or the worry?  For some, it is difficult to contemplate not holding this vibration.  The brain in this case, really needs to be gently retrained. Clarity of distance is about drawing yourself up out of the detail so that you are not immersed in the situation or the drama (immersed like a piece of bread in a pond) that would cause you to feel hijacked by the fear, the worry, the stress of an ‘in the moment’ situation or an ongoing situation etc. When we find ourself getting hijacked by fear, stress, overwhelm, anxiety, energy we have just pinned a meaning to the situation.  We have just flung ourself into the...
The secret about FEAR

The secret about FEAR

The self limiting… ‘WHAT IF’ fear. What if I do transform? What if I step into my full potential and my truth and my on purpose life? What if I do stand out or shine? These types of statements are grounded in FEAR.  FEAR OF SUCCESS or FEAR OF TRANSFORMATION , FEAR of change and for some of us that means FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN. We have become very practiced at holding certain stories within our psyche and we have become very practiced at living with the energies and emotions and the physical and emotional results that holding those stories as our truth, manifests for us. So, in order to release ourselves from these FEARS that seem like legitimate responses that we should listen to, we have to practice the very powerful tool, the very useful exercise of  making the unknown and the unfamiliar, THE KNOWN and the familiar. The more acquainted you can make yourself the more known and familiar you can become with the stories that are your greatest desire for yourself, the less UNKNOWN they will seem to, the less UN-REAL they will seem to you, and the more APPEALING they become and the more ‘YOURS’ they become and the more INEVITABLE they become. The FEAR of the unknown, the FEAR of your change and the changes that may ripple on as a result of your personal change is a signal that we are subconsciously responding to and buying into a defence mechanism, without questioning the basis of fear. We have been functioning with those age old emotional programs most of our lives and so, they...
HELP!  I’m Motivationally Challenged.

HELP! I’m Motivationally Challenged.

There are definitely many reasons that can attribute to why we feel like our motivation has left the building. Here are a few you may relate to and you or someone you care about may be tucking in to one or all of these. Lack of goals – leaves us feeling lost or bored or lacking purpose and can lead to mood disorders like anxiety and depression. It can lead to distracting behaviours like drugs, alcohol, comfort food and low productive activities, like too much t.v. watching or pokies or electronic distractions. It is a fundamental human need to feel like you are a part of something and that your daily thoughts and efforts fulfil a sense of your reason for being, your higher purpose. Not having a sense of your big why is a common cause for low motivation. SOLUTION: have goals Not achieving goals we have set – feeling deflated, disappointed, sad, defeated and possibly pessimistic because we didn’t achieve goal/s. Making it all mean something that leaves us feeling negative as opposed to reframing the situation in order to find the useful learnings and takeaways, making it mean something that reignites our motivation. Packing up the goal posts and walking off the field as opposed to having resilience and creative determination to maybe, change the goal posts and keep on keeping on. Of vital importance with our goals is to celebrate our victories constantly instead of only weighing in on the big hairy audacious goals. What have you achieved? What are all the daily victories. What is great about this? SOLUTION – heed the below warning. WARNING: if you...

Getting along better with family

Most of us in society can share stories about ‘that’ family member that just doesn’t seem to know how to play fair or ‘be normal’. It can be any family member and for many of us, it is one of our parents and so often, it’s Mum. There are so many ‘Mum’ stories out there when it comes to people complaining about their family. It’s not just Mum and please don’t think I am pointing blame at anyone here. We all need to take responsibility for how we feel within ourself and what we do in order to create function where disfunction has presented itself. Many of us have to some degree have or do experience family disfunction. It can range from low on the spectrum to high on the spectrum. There are a variety of things that can hold family disfunction in place and in many cases there are varying degrees of mental health distractions that are at play in the disfunction, meaning old outdated near pathways from our childhood. One person’s behaviour is clashing against another person’s expectation. Families and those collective individuals making up families can be very complex and so, often the challenges or disfunction is due to a layering of reasons as opposed to one simple easy to pin point reason. Here is a 15 min blog on how to keep it simple despite the complexities. It is a principle, a practice a discipline and if you nail it, you will have a much better experience with those family members that you otherwise allow to challenge your inner peace and...
Resolving Conflict

Resolving Conflict

It would be an ideal world if we could see conflict as, a need to try and understand one another better than our current level of understanding.  As opposed to, assuming you need to make the other person completely wrong. “Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” — William James To add to that, the question to ask yourself to check in with your own attitude is, how rigid or justified and negative do I feel?  That is an indication of where your attitude is at. If handled effect­ively, conflict can be an opportunity for learning, growth and positive change. Click to tweet In the workplace or in any relationship, conflict can be an opportunity to learn and stretch and grow as long as there is an open attitude of first seeking to understand before seeking to be understood. Note:  Just because you do give people the space to communicate their perspective does not mean you are agreeing with them, it means you are stopping and listening long enough to completely understand where they are coming from. In some instances people can experience a rise in emotions and in some cases, some folk are less adept at regulating emotions when their emotions start to fire up. This means the emotional response can over power the initial intent or the ability to ground, listen, empathise and consider other perspectives and other peoples thinking.   A few tips: Not all people are created the same.  Largely our ability to process and handle conflict comes from our family system.  It’s faulty to assume the...
Tapping Into Your Power Characters

Tapping Into Your Power Characters

Nailing this process is like having your own super power! Me, Myself and Irene with Jim Carrey was a great comedy that demonstrates the different approaches to situations that different characters take. Of course in this movie Jim Carrey had split personality disorder that had been bought on by too much stress. He lived with Hank and Charlie as his personalities. I’d like to be super clear that multiple personalities is not what I am referring to by ‘power characters’. The point I’d like to make is, sometimes Hank got things done in a way that Charlie could not. Power Characters are the characters that we have within us that we can mindfully and consciously call on in specific moments for specific outcomes. As opposed to falling victim to maybe some of our more conditioned, exercised character traits out of unconscious habit that don’t have what it takes to get us through some of our more demanding or challenging situations. For example, if you are running a project or if you are a business owner and the buck stops with you, many of your decisions need to be made with the character traits of ‘The CEO’ as opposed to, ‘The Technician’. Here is an exercise that I take my clients through to help them identify the characters that don’t serve them and also how to tap into their ‘power characters’. 5 Steps for tapping into your ‘power characters’ Identify what the results are in your life that you don’t want. What is it that you would like to try and do better or do differently or to change. Name...
When Your Inner Super Hero Needs Time Out

When Your Inner Super Hero Needs Time Out

Here’s 5 tips to keep your inner super hero from burning you out! Hey fellow Super Heroes, and you know who you are because you currently feel like I am speaking directly to YOU.  You are a go getter, you are juggling multiple roles, you say yes and you get sh#t done and then you jam a bit more in and get that done too! When you hear statements like, “I’m tired”, “I can’t do that”, “I’m too scared”, “I was gunna do it tomorrow”, “I just forgot”, “It’s alright for you, you’re making heaps of money”, it makes you want to breath fire like an angry dragon.  Because, you are using every cell in your body to do every possible thing you can to reach your goals and have a good, enriched successful life and to produce great work for a great price and have a great time doing it. But… Much to your horror and shock and inconvenience and quite unexpectedly and out of the blue, you cram so much in your productivity mania that, without you having too much say in it at all, your body, mind and maybe a bit of your soul, HITS THE PROVERBIAL WALL… w.t.f… What is this? This does not happen to you!  You are a machine.  Your body, mind and soul continue to produce as you call on them to do so right!  And yes, most of the time, you are right.  So I’m sure it may be quite inconvenient for you to hear that, you do have limits.  Sure you can push past them, and that comes at a price.  It’s just...
Feeling Financial Freedom

Feeling Financial Freedom

Why is financial freedom so hard, so illusive?   It actually isn’t Here is how you can experience financial freedom starting immediately   I was in the shower this morning, which is always a great opening sentence in any blog! I had the insight that whilst I still need to work to live, I am experiencing financial freedom on a regular basis and so can you. There is a sliding scale of financial freedom that allows you to feel the joy or the spoils of financial freedom on a regular basis as opposed to waiting until you have hit that illusive ‘big jackpot’ financial freedom position.   Click to tweet What we tend to do is work so hard for the money each day and focus so diligently on what we want to achieve in our future or on what we still have not achieved, that we miss what we are reaping RIGHT NOW. Yes, this is about gratitude, BUT, it is about realising what you have achieved for yourself through yesterdays efforts.  Recognise the milestones and celebrate them so they do not go to waste.  Maybe now you afford yourself $30 bottles of wine as opposed to $10 bottles of wine.  There is a financial freedom in that tiny scenario alone.  There was a time when a $30 bottle of wine was still off in your future, still to be worked toward and achieved.  Or whatever your version of a weekly luxury happens to be. If you fail to acknowledge all of those little financial freedom wins, and I mean totally recognise and honour them, you fail to honour your...
5 steps to manage toxic friendships

5 steps to manage toxic friendships

Toxic friends don’t necessarily need to be dropped Here are 5 things to consider when dealing with a difficult relationship   Intention: View people as their intention as opposed to getting stuck on their actions. Which may seem strange at first glance. However, actions can actually be a bit deceiving based on your assumptions and filters. I guess an example of this is PMT.  If we were judged on those couple of bad days, we’d have nobody left in our lives, they’d have all dropped us. Beyond chemical, stress and hormone factors, sometimes we can misunderstand, misinterpret, misjudge a persons intentions.  Sometimes when someone’s behaviour is toxic or not really acceptable, something a little deeper is at play for them that perhaps they are unable to communicate properly.   Family systems: understand that your family upbringing and communication and coping modelling is probably way different to anyone else’s in the same room as you. We are not all created equal. Some people need assistance to understand how to respond and behave in a more loving, sociably acceptable and value adding way.  Growing up we learn how to react and respond and how to love or reject based on our own parents or care givers modelling.  Some of our upbringings were less kind to us than others.  We are all also influenced a little differently as to how to attach to others in relationships.  Our attachment styles will influence the stability or the instability of our trust and our bonds and also our capacity to be open and loving or not.  We are not all created equal in this space....